Grumble Recipes

Being a Grumble is about eatin' and drinkin' while bumping your gums about everything and everyone.

In addition real Grumbles are adverse to a little thing called effort but will have a go when there is a possibility that by making an effort sex will be forthcoming. So while the recipes on this page will not get the Heart Foundation tick* there is an outside chance that if these meals are prepared at the right time and for the right person then happy happy days (or nights) may follow.

*(but are contenders for the Heart Attack Foundation tick. They will also get an honourable mention from the Constipation Foundation)

Now this is the best Cafe style open sandwich in the history of mankind. Again a quick and easy way to impress that special someone. It combines the necessity of steak with enough veggie type material to give the impression of a healthy meal.

Ingredients

Preparation

1 Piece of top quality steak (stay away from the cheap stuff)

Half an onion

Quarter of red capsicum

1 medium Mushroom

Slice of thick bread (yes use wholemeal if you must!)

Enough Cheese to cover bread

4 slices of Avocado

1 fried egg

1 slice thick bacon

Sprinkle some black pepper on both sides of the raw steak and then grill or fry the steak until cooked to your preference (eg medium). Cook one side until the steak changes colour approximately half the thickness of the steak and then turn it over. Turning a piece of steak only once gives the best cooking effect, turning repeatedly often results in an overcooked piece of steak. If this happens throw out the meal and go and beat yourself repeatedly until you have learnt your lesson.

Chop and then fry the onion, capsicum until they are warm and have started to soften

Fry the egg and bacon

Lightly toast the bread

Spread the bread with some sort of sauce (eg salsa) rather than butter it adds more flavour.

Layer the cheese over the bread

Place the steak on the cheese

Add the capsicum, onion and mushrooms

Place the bacon on top of the other ingredients

Place the Egg on

Lay the slices of Avocado on top

Drizzle some more sauce over the lot

You can serve this with salad (if you're some sort of hippie freak) and / or chips

This recipe has everything a man could want. High fat and salt content and meat. For the non meat lover there is a vegetarian option - just leave out the topside mince.

Now you will need to use the finest in crockery and cookware. Don't go for the cheap stuff make sure its manufactured by our good friends in China.

There is lots of ways to make nachos but trust me this is the Rolls Royce version. If this doesn't get you brownie points from the love of your life get rid of them and find someone who appreciates the culinary masterpiece that is Nachos a La PJ.

Ingredients

Preparation

250g Topside Mince

1 onion

Half red capsicum

Tin of Kidney Beans

4 medium Mushrooms

Bag of Nachos Chips

Grated Cheese

Sauce made from a mixture of salsa, nachos topping and enchilada sauces (either make your own or buy the pre-made stuff from the supermarket)

Preheat oven to 180 degrees Celsius.

Cut onion, mushroom and capsicum into medium sized strips. Open can of beans and drain.

Fry mince on a medium to high heat until its all brown. Take out and put in bowl.

Fry onion, mushroom and capsicum on a high heat until they soften.

Add in beans and mince. Add in sauce mixture until the mince and all the veggies are coated and mixture looks moist.

In serving dish coat the base with nacho chips (the broken ones are great for this) then cover with a layer of grated cheese.

Spoon nachos mixture over the nachos chips and cheese.

Using the remaining nachos chips stick them in the mixture standing upright leaving a small amount of space between the chips.

Sprinkle more grated cheese over the top of these chips and then drizzle some nachos topping over the top of the cheese and chips.

Put into the oven for between 20 to 30 mins or until the tips of the nachos chips start to burn.

Serve with all the usual Mexican side dishes.